5:55

5:55

okay young master remember to fear JUDGEMENTS … the finger pointing at you also points at the pointer 3 times as much …. Just do do it point your finger at the wall and look at your fist and 3 fingers are pointing back at you …. The 3 fingers of the TAO which are remeinding you about how that person you judge is your equal , thye are the spieit of the TOA , the mind/awareness of the Tao , they are the atomic experiencer of the Tao ….. ohhh you do remember that behind all my sex writing is the TAO … just go to www.isntinctualims.org and read the Nav. Table and whatch see ? TAO

so I went to bed thinking I may write this , I woke a 5:55 still thinkig I may write this , but because of the reality of it ,,, I fear it . but the ones who I fear for will not have any worry about these words for about 10 years they are still just babys themselves so their position in a social structure of friends will not be effected by my words yet … and in ten years this blog will be lost in billion of cyber pages …..

EVE ,,, the spirit of EVE … o trash the spirit of EVE I do ,, not the girl who has been confused by the spirit not the animal … but the spirit is what I trash ….. I point my finger at …. And remember myself that the eve . spirit the possibility of it can not be experienced unless allowed to be experienced , and so is my action of finger pointing , not aloowed to be a pooisble extression of the TAO unless experienced … or other wise lived and done …. So I point a finger at the SPIRIT of eve !

My second marriage gave me 2 children like I have said a 100 times all divorces are based in LOVE for I had to first want to spend the rest of my life with that girl … before we could have gotten married and then divorced ,,,,, you can not just get a divorce without all the love first . so again it is the spirit of EVE expressed in that experience of marraiage I trash … and the Grand mother ……. The oooh so publicly proper grandmother ,,the fear! Of what will the neighbors think what will the people at church think ,,,, fuck them when my son is in a Mental hosiptial because out of confusion and frustrataion
He a sweet smiling playfull boy ,,,, MIMICS what he sees on TV and trys to stab his mom ………..WOW FUCKING WOW ….. so blame the male ,,, blame the boy EVE …….. and now drug him into submission …… ( why not explore the the deepest of causes instead of treating the symptoms )

Ohh but that may mean Granny you should really look at yourself ,, you had to husbands ,,, both of them shot themselves in the head ! wow what a great track record ( ohh the first shot himself during his second marriage , so you are oof the hook ,,,,, no it was the compounding effects that evertually drove him a man an anaiml to do ti ) ohhh the second ,, shot himself instead of face the exploration of the police … for events that if you bitch had been doing what you sold him on when you were dating and first married ,,,, if you were opening your legs to him like you did during the honey moon ,,, 5 times a dy … if you had continued to do that instead of ,,,, in the 70’s with the women’s movement you left him and you daughter to get UNVIERSTIY DEGREEE after dregree ,,, and move up career ladder paths ….. and that male , became PERVERTED …. And I had to suffer the confusion of his victum ….. why does www.isntinctualism.org have the sex abuse page why do a I a male refer to the book Courage to Heal BECAUE THIS GUY HAS HAD More than a few of his SiGNIFACANT other girls touched by this and been in supportive and in counseling with them …..

Oooooh I love you granny bitch how you blamed the victum for having an affair with you husband ,,,,, when it fainnly all came out and the cops came in …… I remember you EVE … the posseeneion … of your husband so sublte you do not really understand youself what damage and confusion you have created in your greed and hierarchy eve ,,,,,, the HUMAN equal … to INFANT – I – CIDE … read the blog you at the mating behavior pages , you will scafice your flesh and blood to create the IMAGE that friends at whork , neighbors and people at church see ……….trhe compounding of is all .. will bring up the symptom ….

The symptom … for pumkinhead .. is a smiling sweet smart young man …… gone crazy in this world ,, his TWISTED INSTINCT .. expressed itself ,,,, he is the victum of YOU EVE ….. the eve of his mom and grand mom , who learned from their mom who learned from the greed of wanting to be rich like the lords and ladys of history , the women of the priests and PHAROHS ….. the snake told EVE how to create THINGS wealth and Power .. to become more than the animal of nature ! and the TAO … the everything POSSILBE . will be possible in all it beauty and more …… she in freedom of choice choose to confuse and control adam also … here bite form the apple ,,, wealth and power is ours like gods we will become

I WRITE TO MY SONs a lot putting letters in their file so some day they will know that dad did care but , he was not around so that the DIVIDING of the child between 2 houses would not happen since peace could not be found ,,, the story of King Solomon and the 2 women fighting over a baby … would again happen the same story 2000 years later is still being played out ….. I choosed not to play . the evidence trail has never shown for us ,, my ex or my boys to be very good …. So I satyed away but on occasion write the boys a letter
Amd well one letter arrived after the other letter ,,,, and the son whose letter waas lost for that few days by the post office , well the residencial parents used that letter not coming as a tool of control and manipulation twisting the mind of a child ……. I LOVE THE REASONING OF eve . ………. Tell him he is bad and unloved .

But I should be afraid and not post , not open my life be like the rest of the SHEEP of the planet ,,, and hide , in the action of hiding is when the perverted minds can gain control over the hiders ….. the truth will set you free ,,, bring things out into the light and the darkness dies … are you afraid EVE … is the moon your only friend are you like a vampire ?

I am human animal ,,, I am not nocturnal …. My instinct is to rise with sun sleep with the moon ….. light is GOOD




Ohhh boys what have I done by contacting you guys …..

Well it is now sat .april 5 , and Colly you phoned back on Wednesday to telll me you got your gift also ,,,, so this is a 20/20 hindsight after hearing that you are in the hospital for trying to hurt your mom …. Oooh your mom phoned 3 times to tell me that the truckers would shit off the gasoline of this country this last week ,, she phoned three tiems about that …. Once to tell me you were in the hospital ,,,,, her message felt strange when she told me you were in the hospital …. There was a strange magic to her tone of voice and presention , and I felt I ti weird that hshe oly tried once,,,, not 3 times like with the important news of a truckers strike … strange don’t you think ?

Wednesday , from the mouth of a lil’ I thought I heard you say that your mom said that you did not get a toy because I was still mad at you for stuff that happened years ago ,,, that I was punishing you ….. then the next day …. The damdamged letter arrived ,, showing you again that you have been lied to … over and over and over year after year .

I knew that if I am around the drive of wanting to know me would cause you stress , yet I wanted you to know that iam around and have never left or stopped loving you . I write this to you both as young men ….. look at the evidence trail , I kept on being daddy to gJulie 24/7 ,, I see your brother Gabe every week , he is a baby and again I do not want him to be tore apart so , I only visit with him never forcing him to live in 2 houses and confuse his young mind …..

This road is my choice , seee having your mom bounce in and out of your life Colly ,, caused you stress back when you were 2 , the day care workers would comment and ask did he talk to his mom on the phone ? because his violence level has gone up … when your mom was busy and did not try to phone and amonthor 2 went by you really calemed way down ….

Ohhhh I am having a hard time focusing on a positive a silver lining to this cloud , but I know that there is one … and that this is the evnts that will make such great men out of both of you ,,, Zack for seeing it and Colin for living it ….. and each time it makes me more commited to trying to form a new alternative to the .. relationship system you boys have had to live effected by …

Love you both Daddy ,,

I asked your mom again if she wants me involved let me know who your counselor is …. Remember I took your brother to his conunsell ing after your mom left and invited your mom ,,,,, and she left you both ….. I took Julie and lance ….. I went to all the programs after the events of jan 05 ,, but I was never allowed to be involved in your counseling sessions ,,,,,,, it was the GOOD OL’ GIRLS system at work , to act as if there is not a female victum mindset present in our society and just blame men ….. is blind to the truth.

I tried talking to your mom on the phone but , the old ,,,, shit creeped in , I could feel there was not way to alk to her , like always … we do not talk . it can happen just with the change in our voices when we talk , the sublte way we blame each other . and no amount of counseling or programs of schooling will help . we have done honeslty 100 upon 100’s of hours of that . I can talk with Paola , with mitzi , with almost any one except your mom …… how is your mom with LANCES dad ? is she able to be civil with him ? she never was able while she lived here , has that changed and have I become the focus of her paim or is she still not on good terms with lances dad either ? look to the evidence trails of your life experiences boys and trust the feelings , the vibrations … not the judgements of people who have vested interests in the out come … whether you come to one conclusion or another will justify some one . that is not important , just learn what you feel there is to learn from your upbringing …. And most of all , find some hope that you will do better … ok peace love dad

I am hoping in posting this I will be able to let it go a bit more , let go my anger , the frustration of wanting to fight and yet knowing that any fight will just bring more …. Fighting …. The concept of FOCUS .