3 wives ?

why am i not being the strength i say that i am .... welll it is now like i have had never met the Debbie ...... wow . what would have life been like if i had not met the Debbie ,,, welll now i am living my life without her dynamic strength she was my strength and muse ........ or do i hav the strength with in me ....... she was a drug .

7 years with eve

ahh to be free of the perfect woman the perfect drug ... she was my herion  so powerful a drug and so manipulative ... only because i let her ,,, not her fault my mine but such great learningand fonder ...... still happy i let go instinctualism . i had great ideas but not the skills to present them ...... i miss my drug .... the pain is still fresh .

some time ago

dam i just gottta spew ..... i am re entering the world ... a fucked up world but the world that i do have to live in .... i gotta find a way to live here and being alone sucks big fucking time ..... but i spent so much energy in writing about alternative stuff only to find out no one is listening ..... even to really really good writers of movie dudes ..... so i just gotta find some sort of niche to be as happy as i can be ..... and deb was real fucking happiness but i fucked it up ... and now my unstablity is fucking it up .....  i am currently to obsesseive ... but i have been that way in my past very often ... i like to feel i have some control .... when i fact ... law of attraction is not conrollable like a light switch with the skills we actually have in real world .... all i can really control is my minute to minute attention to things ..... find whatever feels good now ..but when i notice that i am alone ..... fuck it man i just sprial down ......

issue like other guys and shit ... bent up problems i just gotta spew .... i gotta spew let shit out .... that way i got some release .....

life can be good i have a choice to feel good .... i gotta spew let it out ... hidedenn