because i am a pussy hound

Do what others say
Oh what fun change is , the twists and turns the second guess , the re hashing of events the comparison to a .. a … possible future hye in the poly would I have had one of her three sisters to talk to if I found myself unable to talk to her? Hmmmm dynamics ?
I was asked “ why did you ask for a one on one ? ” why did I respond to the events that were taking place at that time … why was she so emotional and why would her smile her happiness effect me …. If I were so committed to polygamy ? maybe because it was still so very much a theory in my mind and honestly after the events of the close to last year I have had the time and experience to form stronger .. intentions .

Why would I do what I have done this week , which destroyed for some other people their dreams , hey I left in peace so that everyone could have to continue their dreams in their own schedule .

Young master you can never hope to please everyone and in trying are you living your life ? well yes because the happiness of others is your life , service is the highest calling . Yet doing it from the position of being true to yourself is also very imporatnat just to serve some one else yet destroy your self is foolish since in time you will be destroyed and no onger able to serve anyone ……. Was my last relationship destroying me ? NO …. And when it hinted over And over that it might head that way well I did change my world .

I am alone in my house … our house my good girl Debbie lives here she is here even though she is out of town ,,,,, her memory is everywhere . and I know I will be ALONE .. being alone is scary not desirable ….. you do not fight and struggle to be alone no you struggle to build relationahips … so knowing heading toward aloneness is unnatural it seems crazy . staying in the same old is safer.

Dipshit have you ever thought this yourself ? how about the girls of the world you will have to meet to build a poly a 3 tent life .. how about them have they ever felt things like this ? otday I talked with 2 women and both are in relationships both know me and my ideas , and both understand that I have tried once more but …….. and then they admit they themselves are stuck with who they are with , they are confused by my ideas scared by them but after they years of frustration they are almost willing to explore anything for them selves and the hope their children will have different opportunities .

We are all a bit screwed up ………..

I know now that I should not have done anything before getting the 3 tents ,,, well that is 20/20 hindsight , it is the learnsing from my experience young master that you can take to the bank ,,, use it to be prepared for the emotional roller coaster you will ride …. Your simple slip back into your safe comfortable past will hurt that girl you find so ….. so ….. well so almost perfect …. With out the 3 tents without reality staring her in the face with out you talking to other girls ,, the 1 on 1 dynamic will be still lurking in you 2’s world . and the 1 on 1 dynamic is subtle

I have to think for myself why did I think and believe one way yet still respect my pledge to one on one …. She had asked a few times to end it now if I were not commited …. I was commited to … to ….. experiencing ? to trying ( trying is consentrating on the failure side of positive thinking ) SO COOL EVERYONE IS INTO THE SECRET . beat myself up mentally what will that do … well to atleast think out loud well atleast in that I can feel like I may show to some one else that someone else … is thinking like them the same common themes . when I stopped writing what was I doing?

I submitted , put the relationship in her hands in fact I laid on the bed with her a few days later almost suicidial … kinda with that defeat … trying to capture that thought like I was 20 something again the hope I could live a fairy tale like my dad ……. I am not my dad and we do not share the exact same shoes the same life events and hurdles . and in the end after a few small problems and 1 other almost break up just in those 2 months well …. I stopped writing to make it all better , it was not . subtle dynamics that even other females when they think about it can realize yet not embrace my solution with out eveidence that my solutions is workable …

I will have to go real slow into relationships to make sure the girls are one with my ideas not bucking my theory yet , before they come with me they are already able themselves to write about their own life in terms of my ideas ……….. if I get that then I will get what …. They want and I want and then have the experience of living the new set of adventure problems because problems will come up but they will be new ….. and in a newer context with new dynamics and new support systems … the sisterhood . 3 that can see with out ego or self blame their own EVE and for me to also see my shy ADAM who can be controlled so easy by a smile or a tear
THIS WILL BE VERY HARD BECAUSE I AM A PUSSY HOUND