a great fuck

A great fuck

Young master the stress of a fight can create the opt of great sex , now that I will ink to the history of your DNA later but let me expose my life , my folly ….. my real problems because the THEME’s are ones you will ,,, yes you will live ….. and to find that me and my DEB each created our own pains ….

For Deb she did a classic female thing ,,, say hse wants one thing and expect me to do otherwise because of my GREED for her ….. she wanted a fairy tale response frome and got , and true deep loving response , real unconditional …… and we had one hell of a fight because ….. we here understand your mind dipshit ,,,, the building of Assumptions because of INTUITION … ( I was wrong but not as wrong as I could have been )

Mostly true

Young master ripping yourself apart is not easy and not perfect but do it .

Deb , I am sorry I caused you pain , accept it or not , I did go to Michelly’s to see if you arrived , just in case you had a n acceident and that is why you did not answer your phone and when I saw that you were safe I left , mad.
Now when Julie compared last night my re- actions to the feelings and things that happen .. I reply here and now , when I leave because of a fight , I feel they are different , leaving after a fight is escaping a trap so that no more hurt will be created.

Ok , would the events that I will write about , have happened in a poly family. Would I have had the support of other sisterhood to go over my ideas and feelings over the last few months and upon coming acrross what I READ as XYZ ,,, when coming back home from finding that you were safe , I would have had some one to talk to when I got home last night and I could depend that person or persons on to talk to you , to tell you why I feel XYZ …. Think about that young master .

I say last few months , you re- assure me over and over that you will try my life style to come , you re peat that you may leave … and I say over and over all I want is your happiness ( last night I was hurt but I left after Proving your safety .. left you to your happiness , without conflict .

We both love each other we will indure certain pains to help the other be happiest they can be in the end for them …

Michelly is she your friend or your lover , and will you hide a relationship from me ? . YES you will will you do something I would not like and hide it , kind of hide the activity as not to hurt me ,,, yes you will , THANKYOU , FOR CONSIDERING MY FEELINGS , and understand that I say nothing because of my love for you … you must have freedom to choose options without stress . (Shelly is single sexually experiemental in that she has choosen to experiement outside her race and of the age to be expected to be bi-sexual , no one is an angel I am not you are not our kids are not)

Yet I must admit to feeling USED at times , ( hell I am no angel I have feelings I am sure you feel hurt about my not finding you my 1 and only ) but I suppress what I can till I create the compound that I believe will allow me to be more openly truthfull and allow you to be the most truthfull you cn be , not , half in 1 on 1 and half Harem like we live now ….

When dancing came up , I expressed my feelings , so you told me you were going to a concert , leaving me and what we had planned to go with michelly , to an other show , ok , but it was when you talked later about dancing of course ,, my mind ,,, changed the whole event in my memeory into an event that equates with … pain .,,,,,,, you go to a choclate party , and do not come home for hours late ( I do not freak , you safe and local ) but when I hear HEMMINGWAYS ….. my idea about the night changes …….. the sound of the I love you’s I hear when you talk on the phone to Shelly at times sound ???? …like the I love you’s of lover to lover … after what can be seen as untruthfulness so far in reality of actions , the sleep overs , the push for a sleep over in fact .. almost stressfull when brought up in your voice … well become the cheating , male or female it is still cheating face to face flesh to flesh ,,, real person to real person , emotional support and friendship to emotional support and friendship … your happiness is what is most important , the words I repeat to myself at every hurt . ….. ok I cheat when I jack off ? you were gone I and used picturesthe movies we have to cheat , yes …. But a shell of cheating but cheating …

now after there was a GOOD LOGICAL change in our trip for XMAS …. A good change I was and am happy for you . ( young master men read sports illustrated , car and driver field and stream ,,, women read woman mags look at the covers the topics ,, the soprt of girls is to understand men and look pretty so …… my READERS ARE GIRLS . yet I am very happy when I see some guy down loading 100’s of pages of my work … but still on friends lists stie after site 99 perecnt are girls )
I request female readers ….. site after site … just to open my reader base and I hope with the opening of the female minds the TALK between male and female can happen a … girls can delvelop new ROCKETS of desire because of my words .

So weeks ago after the change in our trip ,, when I went to do a Browse , and I found that the last Browse on the search was for MEN in their 40’s in Colombia SC. …. I honestly got hurt , and felt used . the manipulation about dancing ealier in the month was enough the wondering whether Shelly was Deb’s lover was growing already , yet my concern is and was , for your ending happiness with or without me . just be happy … but I start to feel lied to and used and played , LIKE A FOOL . but I remeind myself over and over your happiness is what must me most important your future with or with out me , build a life for you here I try , with or with out me your happiness ,,, I see myself writing more about young master being alone for 15 to 18 months , that is me prepping for living alone with 3 homes some where , while I create ways to talk face to face some day to the world . . that way young master does not get into the problem what I am living in .. loving and caring for a woman who is lieing , but I still want her happiness so , I suppress it ….. what if she comes back saying but you miss understand what was happening , what will I do ,,, ? say I am worng sure what ever so that she feels … happy I will say whatever I think she wants to hear . the 1 on 1 efect .

So that , knowing that she is looking for now , not just a female lover her and dancing here with other men ( dancing is sexual to me it is her with other men in a mating ritual ) but planning to meet men in Columbia … maybe she is planning to return to live close to her family smart idea ,,, I want her to be ahppy …. I suppress it . for weeks and all the time she is gone . up there … meeting who she has planned to meet …….

So when I find her safely in town after a long trip , yet not thinking about calling cell or home line ,,,, I BREAK . and lock her out of the house . who knows maybe she wanted to ……. Spend the night with her lover ? when I drove past her lovers home earlier after worrying that she was an hour late already with no call and I see all the lights on at that house ,, I wonder is she there already ? , then when I go to make sure whether she arrived safely in town … to see whether she is safe and find the lights out … and that Debbie was there… I can think only that what the evidence trail has ,, given me to think … she is with her lover after being with some other guys in Colombia …. And in my hurt I lock the door just in case …. She does come home , she will understand there is a PROBLEM … we will have to talk some how , some time ….

Not fight but talk …… becaue I do want her to be happy with or without me … but I feel manipulated , and used ,,, but I allow it because I want her to be ahppy .. but what and how would this have palyed out if these last few months had gone on while she and I were sharing our lives with , other girls who by CHOICE , were together as a HARME family . would I have had the support of the other females who cared about me and cared about Debbie … to help me feel happier about Debbie’s actions on her own behalf to form the ROCKETs of her desire and then put her human foot forward toward that rocket ….

But alone in the 1 on 1 ,,, not only myself but Debbie ,, we both have to lie to each other because we both honestly care about each other , but me must also , do what we must do to make ourselves happy while , tryiin ,, trying to create a life where the other is happy as long as possible .

Young master can you feel this in any thing from your past ? guess what it will happen again and again …. Women wonder why we males ,, eventually blow up and get mad about them having affairs and it is the evidence trail that our male minds READ ….. men and women are different … over and over I repeat that theme … and in the 1 on 1 ,,,it will come to a stressful head on fight .

Now that blog should have been posted yesterday , but because of an agreement between DEB and I things like that will not be published without discussion , and actually using the writing was my way of …. Forming what I wanted to say to her …. Her response was to , tell me in her way , what I heard , was that she was hurt , she had tried so hard for so long to be the BEST ,,, she had jumped thru my hoops … etc etc .. etc ….and it worked I felt terrible about her being sad ,,, the TEARS effects , the weapon of the female ,,, it works they know it ,,,.so . everything changed and the discusiion turned around to how terrible I am …kinda ? terrible for not seeing her as being good ,,,
I NEVER SSAID SHE WAS NOT A GREAT BEYOND COMPARABLE TO . woman or that I did not love her very deeply ,,, unconditionally like in the blog and romantically as a possession /greed ( YET I SUBDUE THAT LOVE of greed in favor for true unconditional love )

She asked to stop at her friends house , but deep inside she wanted me to be GREEDY and say NO COME HOME I MISS YOU ….. so she set up the conditions that ended up in me being hurt and the door being lockied and us feeling more confused …… all events that help each of us with the 5 points got to www.instinctualism.org .. the 5 things you do to clarify your real wants in life . .. she wanted an expression of fairy tale love all the while receiving the long lating truest deep cuncondtional love …. Of humanity .

Now on her defense , she is not in an affair ,,, with either a male or female ,,, even though she does admit to talking about starting a bi-sexual affair but her friend was not interested …. Hmmmm interesting was my INTUITION picking up then on that ? sycronicity they say ? the male search was for an old sick friend … OK fine . but the dancing part , the make effect on me , she reminded me I said OK about it 2 months ago , she also reminded herself it I did effect me even to say OK , it was a painful day …. But yesterday because the reply she gave me was mainly about how much she had tried to prove her love for me ,,, we never touched on the topic …. Of hiding her nights of going dancing ,,, I write about it as LIEING which makes a person defensive …. Later that day I heard a country song about , a guy getting locked out of the house because of his girl thinking he was cheating ( which he was ) … so I felt a little better about my choice to lock her out when I was feeling that she was cheating . a common reaction I guess ….

But after we talked , I must admit I do lover her …. I have since the first day I sw her … I still ,, I did while I thought she had a lover … only ever do I want her to find happiness and peace .

She admits to knowing that I would take the sign out of the yard , to stop my progress toward a POLY life to prove my love for her ,,, but in time because of life stress it would creep back into my thinking and we would fight …….

Wow ….. the complexity of the Roamantic love … vs a love deeper and more real …. Of being HUMAN . of really loving not wanting control .she jumped thru my hoops she reacted to my blogging ,,, in attempts to ? to do what I do not know ? she already has my deepest love and trues concern for her happiness , what is the real deepst problems between us ? why jump thru hoops ? whay do I feel like I do ? they META – spiritual community tell us to feel our INTUITION .. because there is some truth in it ,,, as with me the details were wrong but the truth maybe in ….. the deepest of her desire to have me , love her Romanitcally not HUMANly …hmmm?

But as the fight/discussion went on ,,,, my desire for her grew , and when we hugged she smelled sexy , it was very HOT … so I later let the realization of the study of stress in apes ,,, and during stress , the female produces more stress hormones in the form os SUBMISSIVE sex hormones , the fight ends in fucking ……… hey we humans still do , that post fight sex is often the strongest and most intense .

I let her love me ,,,, I let her love me …. I did not try .. she led me by the hand , she kissed me , she undressed me , she sucked my dick with passion that I felt so deeply … she rode me … she came for herself and because of her want for peace with me …. She wanted me … and we had sex ………. The same fact as always it is because of her wants that sex , happens … we still respond to sexual scents … it is not about …….. words … or games …. Of I LOVE YOU …. Test of your love will only confuse everything ,,, young master you prove your love with the Teerritoy ….. yet she wants more? And in the end we all lose everything . and fight until the animal nature kicks in … and we have great sex … the bandiad that covers up the problem till NEXT TIME (ohhh next time is coming , you can bank on that )