a beer a day

A beer a day

Ahhh young master when I saw myself wanting a beer a day for 3 days in a row , I knew I was in trouble , the beer deadens the emotions ….. the emotional guidance ,,, the dance of life ,,, my own personel feelings ,, not what others think is good , ( which may have merit , but it is not my ,, MY path ….. you are taught very young to ignore your path in favor of the RIGHT path that your parents and teachers tell you ,,, the fairy tale of SHOULD )

Ok Deb and I most weeks do drink a beer after Jammin in Jensen her work night …… but that is it , but I found myself joining in with everyone else in the drinking the hididig of feelings the next night , and the an other night … why very complex , but the action was a signal to me , Phil you are going somewhere you had been before ,, and a place that will kill you in darkenss and depression … no fun I like fun . so I had to admit …. To myself there was a very deep problem with Deb and I

A simple problem but a deep problem , it is called LOVE ….. we each care for the other and want to be loved for who we are , wheich is good enough ,,,, but each of us has a PATH ,, and our paths are different … bummer ! commucation ahh now that can be ahrd a problem for many for all of you actually dependant on expectations of the response of the other person who you will commucate with , the expectation formed by the past commucations …. Valid expectations .

Yet contrast is important the rain is not as fun a s a sunny day yet it is nneded to have rain to keep things growning and going …. Ahhhh I can finally breate again I can write again , I can be proud of the ideas I spew out to the world to see and think about even if I am insulting … insulting does do something I forces people to look at themselves form a adifferent angle ,,, and I trust that most people see the pain ths spawned the words not just the words …… in knowing the paom pf one MAN you can understand the pains and confusions of many men ,,, who CONFORM hide in that BEER …. To end that feeling , done for so many days weeks months years to the point they lose contact with their own emotions …. Their path , their deepest inner GOOD MAN NATURE , the DNA of the protective harem male …..

The paim and confusion cause THE TIWSTED INSTINCT …. And the good man becomes the bad man .. the lousy male … the guys so may girls have to date because they have no other ALTERNTIVE … I cn now return to writng and openly talking about alternatives becaue I listened not to the WELL MEANT SHOULDS , but to the evidence that I was ignoring my feelings my own path . and commucated in the way I was able to … with Deb .

Did I cause her pain and discomfort , does that slap the face of the protective harme male which is my instinctual self , that wants so much for my female to be safe a nd protected and loved and happy ,,, YES ,,,, my words hurt her made her life stressful , but only because to her my PATH is ALTERNTIVE … not one she realy wants in her life , not needed ….. that is fine , I do not ,, do not …. Want my ALTERNATIVE to be a should but a choice ….. well I write now becaue we have cchoosen to sepreate our paths …. Each supporting and loving each other yet knowing in a very short matter of weeks we will separate pyshiclly to each walk our own paths ,,,, friendship and love and good wishes for each other . and honestly the deepest of hopes that each will porve their own path to be a good ALTERNATIVE in the KITCHEN OF THE UNIVERSE ,, something of use to themselves and others . aSOLUTION to something instead of just aceepting reality as a reality .. saying NO , there is hope to live outside of the shoulds . what are your shoulds young master ,,,, feel them ! do not drink them away ,,, your shyness in dating is evidence of your TRYING TO LIVE IN A SHOULD ! … a complex realizing if you can really ,,,,, think about it .